Disappointing Tioman

Way before the day planned for this trip, I had uneasy feelings about it. My heart was not very excited when he was very enthusiastic on going for this island trip. But since it was ages since we both last dived and I thought this trip was a good bargain... well why not. I was all in... also thinking about exposing my girls into going to an island whilst trying to fulfill his wishes. Arrangements were made for the trip.

23 April, a Friday - we all left for Tioman two hours before midnight. I was asleep all the way through as I was not having enough sleep for the prior two nights. Kind of excited to go to an island; as island, clear water, deep sea and beaches are all my favs in many many choices that God had created for us. I find tranquility... I find peace.. in indulging myself into the breeze of the open sea and the splashes of waves to the shores..

But this time... again... as I had expected...how many moments that he would spend with me... how many opportunities would he grab to just have that private moments to share stories and grab all those lost moments that we didnt manage to have in performing our daily routines while at home....???? As expected, when we go anywhere in a group... especially friends, my appearance... my sides are only utilised to shut his eyes close. That was one disappointment.

Getting on the ferry with the rest of the peeps on this trip with us, we had a good entrance to be among the first to enter the ferry. To my mind, lets grab the front sits so that it would be easier to manage the children and it would just be comfortable if he would experience motion sickness for the journey on the sea. But, as I turned my head to find him - I saw him sitting among those friends at the back part of the ferry. Another disappointment and a deep cut in the heart...

Once we were there at Paya in Tioman, the chalet we were in was just nice and fine to cater for basic needs and it is just fine for divers actually - those who plan for 'eat, dive, sleep' kinda activities. The girls were very excited and cant wait to play at the beach and perform their first time snorkelling. I can see that Adleena was all very excited about getting to the beach.... I was worried for not having to fit into my diving suit... as I thought I had put on lotsa fats around my body haha. But, surprisingly... I did fit in!! Uh.. tough effort to pull the gear up my body, but it was not that bad after all.

However, I wonder, why werent my heart very excited about going for a dive after the last dive we made in August 2006 or was it 2007 (?). My heart was without any feelings.... at preparing all gears.. getting on the boat till the moment I wanna jump into the waters. I was amongst the last one to jump in. Suddenly, I felt the adrenalin rushed in my blood. The tank was so heavy (as it has been so long not having to lift such heavy tank). Well, needing help ???? I looked around and there was no one to help me. He had jumped in after I helped him with his gears, as I was worried of his knee condition which is due for an operation - So I did help him with the weight of those equipments before he jumped into the water. Then, since I didnt see anyone paying attention to my need of help, I gathered myself together and made my giant leap into the water. That was not so much of a disappointment, merely some dissatiscation only. "Dussshhhh!" My giant leap was successful. I had told the divers that since it has been so long from the last dive... I may take a few moment to get down as I need to stabilise my breathing and heart beat to get down... as my intention was to save as much air as possible so that I can enjoy the 'other' world as much as I can. But, I was not able to descent! I tried all the techniques that I know about controlling weights and buoyancy... I dunno how many times I tried, but I was still floating at the surface. I looked for my buddy, quite some moments I was alone. I was not able to locate my buddy at all. I tried and tried and tried hard to descent.... then I thought I didnt have enough weights to descent. I used to wear three weights the last time and that was just fine. This time, three weights were not enough. I started to have some fear as I couldnt see any other divers around... till finally he came back for my rescue. But I was not expecting him to do anything, as he is just an amateur. I was expecting for a dive master or a dive instructor who should had came about to my rescue. After so long being on the surface, and having to disappoint him to not having the opportunity to go down under, I gave up!It was time to paddle back up to the boat which was more than 10 meters away from the spot that I was.The current was strong as the wind was quite strong. Also, while I was sort of underwater, I realised the visibility for that day was very poor. Hardly can see the divers after a few meters down. On my way to the boat, being rescued by him... I thought to myself that this team of divers and the instructor and the master were all very selfish bunch of people. There were no togetherness and lacking of responsibilities. I rested my case. I was about to just not go down on the next stop for diving that day.I was 65% sure that I wont be going down.But I thought of my buddy. I wanted him to be fulfilled and happy and not having much worry if I decided not to go down. So, I kept my spirit up.. pulled myself together and I told myself, just do the final dive of the day.

Then the 2nd spot. Talking about spot.. I'm surprised on the lackadaisical attitude of one or two divers, when I asked about the name of the dive site... they said they didnt know and didnt bother to know. I wonder who certified them... Anyway, the second spot, I put in another weight to myself and this time I was hoping that I would be able to sink. This time, there was another diver who had helped me up the side of the boat before I jumped in. I saw my buddy about 5 meters away from me when I had floated up. Then since everybody was ok, we all started descending. Hoorayyyy!!! I was able to descend. I still saw him, and with my earlier difficulty, I was hoping that he would swim towards me underneath the water. All divers started to move. I moved as well, I tried looking back but I was not able to locate him at all. The visibility was poor, hardly 2 meters away. My heart started to panic, so I just followed whoever nearby. Another disappointment experienced. The two divers that I had followed never bother of my existence as they were only communicating with each other seeing if both were ok, but not signaling me... I felt my heart getting very upset, but I still followed as I dun wanna get lost alone. Suddenly, a strong surge came by that made me be at halt and being pushed up towards the surface. Surge was strong that my path was pushed astray away from the other two I had followed. I told myself, "that's it!... just do my safety stop and ascend." That was what I did. As I reached the surface, the boat was far too. I had to paddle again!! and this time, I was out of stamina as the current was strong. Finally the boatmen threw a rope for rescue. I was exhausted, disappointed and upset. I told myself that would be my last dive for this trip. If I wanna dive again in Tioman, I'll come again; but with different bunch of divers and different dive master/instructor.

A very disappointing first day in Tioman.