After two weeks of the previous incident, I tried calling my sis... finally she picked up the phone. I did not have anything to tell or what, my intention was to see whether she is still not picking up my calls...
She answered.. quite OK to me.. I was happy and I was relieved! Just that I am very sad, she never even have the heart to apologise over her kurang ajar act. Well, I swallowed it all in.. to me for sisters' sake.. I'll take it, as long as she is ok now..
BUT I was saddened and taken aback again today. As after so long, today is the first time I met her at parents' home, in picking up our kids there..
She is good at pretending... she is very good at acting she is ok by tackling my girls in front of mak..
I tried making conversation.. but to my surprise.. my first question was answered with a rude tone of voice.. Followed by my second question, was also answered with another rude tone of voice. I wanted to curse her inside me.. but I still remember God is the Greatest... let Him do all the teaching in this wide stage call the world. I am very sad with my sister... very very sad.. Past few days, I felt that my parents were blaming me for the problem that I faced.. for the way I manage it.
Well, to me... I will try to manage my problems myself and not to involve them as much as I could.
I hope one day she would experience something similar of what she did to me..
God, give me the strength and give me all the patience to face all these -Amin-
Monday, February 8, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Life's full of tests...
I am very disturbed...
I am very angry...
I am very blurr...
I am very confused...
I am everything that could describe confuse and don't know who to turn to, only Allah s.w.t. the Al-Mighty.
Dear God, give me the patience, firm on my iman, provide me with balanced rationale in my thinking and feelings.
It all started with a shocking news from Aqil's new teachers at his transition class on 19 January 2010, which was the last of the transition class that Aqil sat in. At the end of the class, the teachers called four mothers out of eight babies that were in the transition. The news shocked us all.. that our Down Syndrome babies are being transfered to a higher class --> The Toddlers Class. In our shocks, I know all the mothers there were thankful of our children's progress. At the same time, we the working mothers just shocked with the news... thinking how are we going to sacrifice just to send our special needs babies to those classes which will be conducted three times a week for 2.5 hours. I felt like crying that moment.. of joy and at the same time so helpless on how can I arrange for Aqil to attend those classes.
After much thought with my beloved husband, after going through all pros and cons of all plans that we had laid out. We thought of asking the opinion of the babysitter, Mama Fadillah. If she offers us her help, we'll be more that welcome and we'll provide all the assistance that she will need if she is willing to help us.
That night, as we planned to go meet Mama F and her husband, to ask for their opinion in our recent deep dilemma - my girls wanted to just stay a while at my sis's home. I called my sis and explained a little... That was the time all the bombs were put in place. The explosions of the landmines started from there. I was made to understand that she misunderstood my intention to go to Mama F's house that night. All because she had the notion that Mama F is gonna take care of her future baby, scheduled to be born in June 2010... so with Aqil's new and shocking routine would definitely make her lose Mama F to her baby. I was shocked by the news, another shock! Coz I was not informed about the baby is going to be cared by Mama F. Neither my sisters nor my mother had said anything about it to me. I was stunt! Then,I thought... for all the reason of love to the family, whatever decision that Mama F going to tell us, I accept with open heart.
The meeting that night, was more than a relief for us. The family was offering their help in managing Aqil. I felt like crying... for someone without blood relation willing to sacrifice herself for my son. I wished to cry of happiness, joy, thankfulness and God Bless all these people who have such kind hearts.
But, my relief was only a while ... as the next morning, Mom threw some 'spearing' words to me as I was sending my girls before leaving for work. I was shocked, coz I did not involve any of them yet. I was only taking my first step in managing issue on Aqil's schooling. I plan to tell them slowly... but I was rather attacked when I am not ready. I dunno what my sis had told them.. they were so against what had been achieved the night before. I was truly disturbed.. my mind was hay-wire.. that reaching Titiwangsa, I made a u-turn returning home.. not mentally and emotionally equipped to go to work.
Later in the night of Saturday, my dad played his role... but their suggestion for a solution to the issue I was facing... was not a solution for me.
I tried calling my sis, wanna discuss what had went wrong...?? What was going on that everyone seemed to be attacking me...?? but she didnt pick up my calls.
After long discussion with my beloved husband, we thought it was best to straighten things with my sis.. BUT SHE with all the DISRESPECT towards me.. didn't answer my call. I had to put on my thick face and leave the ego.. leave the role of respect that I should hold being the eldest... I went to her home. To my shock, she didnt even get out from her room and her husband at first refused to let me in as they were preparing to go out already. I am shocked by the treatment. I remembered them saying all sorts of things to other relatives for doing so.. and God is Great, they are doing it themselves.
My other sis tried to explain that this pregnant sister is emotional and it could get worst if she sees me then.
I tried to understand her situation, but to me... if really there is religion within her.. if really there is iman in her.. she shouldn't be acting that way.. but i let her be.
Today, past one week, she is still not answering my calls. It is so difficult to arrange bout her son, who is also babysat by Mama F that he has to stay in our parents' home when Mama F sends Aqil to school. She is making it very difficult for me. I really wish she could think, if it was not I who begged Mama F to accept her son... I dunno where her son would be now... Well,I hope, one day, she will face the same challenge if not more challenging than what she is doing to me. I am very sad to have such a sister.
A friend was saying, "Jun, actually in this wide world... we are alone... and family members are our worst nightmare when we have problems. We thought we could turn to them for support... but the actual fact, they are the one who will put you further down... Jun... treat this as an eye openner to the real world.. to the real situation, what sorta family members you have..be strong!"
I kinda agree with her statement.. my dearest friend.
God, provide me courage, provide me patience, provide me iman... to face all your tests... I need the strength from you. Amin.
I am very angry...
I am very blurr...
I am very confused...
I am everything that could describe confuse and don't know who to turn to, only Allah s.w.t. the Al-Mighty.
Dear God, give me the patience, firm on my iman, provide me with balanced rationale in my thinking and feelings.
It all started with a shocking news from Aqil's new teachers at his transition class on 19 January 2010, which was the last of the transition class that Aqil sat in. At the end of the class, the teachers called four mothers out of eight babies that were in the transition. The news shocked us all.. that our Down Syndrome babies are being transfered to a higher class --> The Toddlers Class. In our shocks, I know all the mothers there were thankful of our children's progress. At the same time, we the working mothers just shocked with the news... thinking how are we going to sacrifice just to send our special needs babies to those classes which will be conducted three times a week for 2.5 hours. I felt like crying that moment.. of joy and at the same time so helpless on how can I arrange for Aqil to attend those classes.
After much thought with my beloved husband, after going through all pros and cons of all plans that we had laid out. We thought of asking the opinion of the babysitter, Mama Fadillah. If she offers us her help, we'll be more that welcome and we'll provide all the assistance that she will need if she is willing to help us.
That night, as we planned to go meet Mama F and her husband, to ask for their opinion in our recent deep dilemma - my girls wanted to just stay a while at my sis's home. I called my sis and explained a little... That was the time all the bombs were put in place. The explosions of the landmines started from there. I was made to understand that she misunderstood my intention to go to Mama F's house that night. All because she had the notion that Mama F is gonna take care of her future baby, scheduled to be born in June 2010... so with Aqil's new and shocking routine would definitely make her lose Mama F to her baby. I was shocked by the news, another shock! Coz I was not informed about the baby is going to be cared by Mama F. Neither my sisters nor my mother had said anything about it to me. I was stunt! Then,I thought... for all the reason of love to the family, whatever decision that Mama F going to tell us, I accept with open heart.
The meeting that night, was more than a relief for us. The family was offering their help in managing Aqil. I felt like crying... for someone without blood relation willing to sacrifice herself for my son. I wished to cry of happiness, joy, thankfulness and God Bless all these people who have such kind hearts.
But, my relief was only a while ... as the next morning, Mom threw some 'spearing' words to me as I was sending my girls before leaving for work. I was shocked, coz I did not involve any of them yet. I was only taking my first step in managing issue on Aqil's schooling. I plan to tell them slowly... but I was rather attacked when I am not ready. I dunno what my sis had told them.. they were so against what had been achieved the night before. I was truly disturbed.. my mind was hay-wire.. that reaching Titiwangsa, I made a u-turn returning home.. not mentally and emotionally equipped to go to work.
Later in the night of Saturday, my dad played his role... but their suggestion for a solution to the issue I was facing... was not a solution for me.
I tried calling my sis, wanna discuss what had went wrong...?? What was going on that everyone seemed to be attacking me...?? but she didnt pick up my calls.
After long discussion with my beloved husband, we thought it was best to straighten things with my sis.. BUT SHE with all the DISRESPECT towards me.. didn't answer my call. I had to put on my thick face and leave the ego.. leave the role of respect that I should hold being the eldest... I went to her home. To my shock, she didnt even get out from her room and her husband at first refused to let me in as they were preparing to go out already. I am shocked by the treatment. I remembered them saying all sorts of things to other relatives for doing so.. and God is Great, they are doing it themselves.
My other sis tried to explain that this pregnant sister is emotional and it could get worst if she sees me then.
I tried to understand her situation, but to me... if really there is religion within her.. if really there is iman in her.. she shouldn't be acting that way.. but i let her be.
Today, past one week, she is still not answering my calls. It is so difficult to arrange bout her son, who is also babysat by Mama F that he has to stay in our parents' home when Mama F sends Aqil to school. She is making it very difficult for me. I really wish she could think, if it was not I who begged Mama F to accept her son... I dunno where her son would be now... Well,I hope, one day, she will face the same challenge if not more challenging than what she is doing to me. I am very sad to have such a sister.
A friend was saying, "Jun, actually in this wide world... we are alone... and family members are our worst nightmare when we have problems. We thought we could turn to them for support... but the actual fact, they are the one who will put you further down... Jun... treat this as an eye openner to the real world.. to the real situation, what sorta family members you have..be strong!"
I kinda agree with her statement.. my dearest friend.
God, provide me courage, provide me patience, provide me iman... to face all your tests... I need the strength from you. Amin.
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