Aqil's school holiday class

"...pls dont force me! I don't like the sand!! and i'm wearing my sister's suit..ibu put me in this one.. isk isk isk.."
"... I still dislike the sand!! I wanna go to the swimming pool!!!"
".....yeeeezzzaaa bubbles..."
"i'm on a mat?! in a pool?! I can balance out teacher!"

My girls at Kiwanis Fun & Food Fair

Aqil in washing machine...

(24Oct2009)
Aqil.. testing ibu's patience..
Can't hang my clothes to dry in peace..
Finally, I put him in the washing machine, while I hang my clothes to dry..
See.. how he likes to be in there....!!

Our precious gems...

Atuk & nenek's 41st anniversary! Who blows the candles?? ... of course the cucu-s :)

Aqil at First Transition Class to Toddlers' - 2Dec2009

'Aqil's sad pizza.. teacher didnt let him eat the tomato'



Field time everybody.... before we go to the class...

Time has gone so fast...

Oh my, time really flies. It past 3 months since the last time I posted something in here. Lots of things happening around me.
Just recently, Adriana was back down with fever that we had to rushed her to the hospital before it got to the stage that we experienced on 1st May this year.

Well, hope time will be there for me to put up more words in here.. I'm aiming to at least finish putting up photos of my children here... Irreplaceable memories..

Aqil... first water therapy

I was amazed how my boy could deal with the water therapy activities..

Aqil.. in a pool of balls

Finally.. Aqil and Anees at the end of the session for that day..

Aqil's unsupported standing & Adriana's maturity

Aqil had started to stand unsupported already.. for a few seconds. Alhamdulillah. He is progressing so well. During his first class after Hari Raya holidays, he showed his capability which he never had shown when he was at home with us all. He stood more seconds than we used to see him. Amazing... Aqil showed off to his therapist that he was able to do that.

Now the his therapist asked to buy him a nice firm shoes to support the position of his feet when he stands and when he walks...

God, please make my son walks when he is really ready for the adventure and make him walk perfectly...
God, please make my son talks some meaningful words when he is really ready to show off those skills to us...
... and I am praying that all these will come in time as when it should be.. as we are thankful for all the joy that you have given us when you brought him into this world and to be owned by us.

Adriana had shown lots of improvement... not throwing unnecessary tantrums and able to think at certain occasion. With the mouth, 'macam bertih jagung' like my dad used to say... she will never stop talking when she is awake. There are always things to talk about, even when she is playing alone.
The only thing that needs coaching now is her repetitive questions and unnecessary cries that she would make when she couldnt get what she wants.
I really hope she would grow a little bit more so that she is better when talked in going to school next year. God, help me with Adriana and please instill patience in me.. of all the patience that you can provide.

My children development

As at to-date, Aqil dah tumbuh dua batang gigi.. satu kat rahang bawah and satu lagi rahang atas (gigi arnab dia tu). So comel; especially when he started giving his usual grin tu...

Adleena... ngadu asyik sakit kaki sakit tangan... We went to Klinik Segara and the doctor said those are normal for children her age. The doctor gave panadol syrup asked us to give when she complaint sakit. Then, after browsing the web, I found out... those kind of pain she experienced is called 'growing pains'. Growing pains is normal for children between the age 5-10 years to experience coz those are the times they experience rapid growth.
Also, Adleena, gigi kekal dia dah tumbuh without the gigi susu jatuh lagi..
Sekarang, gigi susu dah mula goyah. Hope that it will luruh on its own, kalau tak kena jugak bawak dia ke dentist balik... Aduh, mencabarnya menjadi ibu ni.

Adriana... sakit perut malam malam dia dah tak ada pulak lagi.
At one time.. memang kesian.. every night dia kembung and sakit perut. Doc said nothing.. Doc said she only wants attention. Well, I searched the web also.. from the web, it said - it is for some unknown reason for such abdominal pain experienced by children especially at night. But the pain is real. I can see that it was real coz she would cry to sleep with the tummy sakit. So kesian...To say she is colicky, not exactly...Tapi kekadang tu dengan kerasnya dia ni...naik angin jugak ibu dibuatnya.
Ya Tuhan, peliharalah Ainur Adriana ni... dan bekalkan lah semua kesabaran pada ibu ni.

...some truth..

someone actually iterated this today...
that captured my eyes... my mind...
I was agreeable to the phrase though silence overtake my mind, thoughts and actions..

" junie... i guess..emotions, love,.. is something which can't be explained logically"
"... either you embrace it or you just hide from it..."

let me capture this statement here... before it disappears in the molecules of the air.

A Mother's Love

To some, love is just a word
To me it's a feeling
A feeling I get every time I look into your eyes
A feeling I get when I realize you are my mom
A mom who loves, shares, A mom who inspires
Unconditionally
What's that?
That's love
A mother's love, but only you would know
And me
You returned that love time and time again
Possibly too much, nevertheless you did
Thank-you
Thank-you for being there when I needed you most
For being my rock when I should have been yours
Thank-you for believing in me, even when I doubted myself
For being the one person I could trust
No matter what, no matter where
But most of all thank-you for being you-my mom
A mom I am so proud to claim
...I love you
Now and forever

?? Emotional -- Attach ??

I noticed, at times I am very emotion-less. But when I have the element of emotion to anything that I do, anything that I encounter, anything that I experience...mixed reactions that I would portray, which depends on my way of thinking at that very spot.

Why am I at the topic of EMOTION today?

Well, I am touched after reading a long-lost friend's blog on how happy she was after a surprised baby shower secretly organised for her. Gosh I was really excited reading the related stories on that event. But then, I became very emotional - very sad when I thought, just recently I revealed about me following all her updates secretly and asking for how she was doing... but no respond at all. I wonder why?
How the friendship had gone astray, was all because of me. I take advantage of her.
As far as I have lived, I have done this twice... or may be three times.
I lost or... in one of the case.. partly lost the beautiful ties of friendship.
I dunno why do I do this to the persons that I got emotionally attached with. I know I love that person, but I do things unexpectedly to loose them.

There was this one day, I was thinking - can I not cry and be dreadful if I have to loose someone I love. Then, I thought.. all that have to do with the 'emotional attachment'!! Then, it came cross my mind.. can I not have emotion attached to anyone??.. Then I thought about my children.. How I was almost outta my mind and hysterical when I saw Adriana turned blue.

The answer is -- 'Feelings' are the gift of the Al-Mighty Allah.
People come and go in our lives.Some left us with beautiful.. irreplaceable memories that will never die and will remain in our hearts and minds as wonderful as ever. Some left us painfully, that the thoughts about them just bring back sadness, griefs and repeated heartbreaks... and there are some who left us unnoticeable. Everyone has a 'pre-determined' way of leaving.

My prayer. Dear God, please give me the strength in facing all those are to come in my path. Give me the courage to go through everything that I would be facing in my life.-Ameen-

Aqil's first scolding

We had Uda & family and other (in-law) family members, except for Angah's, at our home last night. Aqil was enjoying the crowd till midnight. Before they left, I was browsing through old garments of Adriana and Adleena - evaluating which ones that I could give to Alia. That was the point where my children got so excited to mess with the box full of used garments. Aqil was beginning to take those out of the box.. I scolded him by showing my index finger and my hand (as though that I wanted to slap him)with a stern face.. amazing that he understood and responded by 'cebek-ing' and cried after that.. haha. That kinda amazed me and I was glad that my son understood those signs and gestures. Alhamdulillah...

Aqil is becoming more 'adventurous' nowadays.. he is capable of letting himself out of my firm grab.. he is so strong. He is also very naughty at times that he likes to disturb Adriana. Poor Adriana will go on screaming when Aqil comes near her. Adriana is another angel. As much as she tried not to hurt Aqil by her pushing, kicking, beating.. at times I saw what she just couldn't help it but pushing Aqil away..hahaha.. so entertaining looking at them both at times (secretly of course). Then comes Adleena trying to save Aqil from Adriana. But Aqil is another 'stub' haha, persistently disturb Adriana again and again..

The only thing constant is Change...

Alhamdulillah... alhamdulillah... alhamdulillah.. God the Most Merciful.
Tuesday 26 May marked the day of something that I had hoped for for a long long time came on .. wonderfully soothing for my hearing. As I was cleaning up in Mak's kitchen, I overheard Mak, Abah and my beloved - their conversations...

After 9 years of marrying the person that I have chosen to be my life partner... all those thrills, feelings of fear, distress and those tears that had been pouring until there were none.. God the Most Merciful, had shown the light to changes in 2003... Ultimately, this day that it answered my never-ending prayer to obtain 'full acceptance' to everyone else... It is hard to pour out historical story... let it resides within my personal book of memory.. as I will always pray for the great being of everybody.

It has been a year past...

20th May... A year ago, by the works of God, a wonderful of His artwork emerged into the light of the earth. Aqil Mustaqim was born giving me full excitement of receiving him as the first boy of my own. The little SunShine of my life.

A week before his 1st birthday, Aqil started to creep for the first time. I saw he made three small steps before he got into sitting position again. He was exploring. He is still exploring how to creep properly and the speed had increased this far. Though he is quite behind in his development, he did make it anyhow. I'm proud of his development this far.

My only worry now is that Aqil is not talking as much.. of rather babbling that much. He has been a very quiet baby. Be babbled whenever he feels like it, but it is very rare..also I only meet him at night during week days..

I wish I could do more for Aqil. I wish to be by his side all the time. I wish that I could encourage him and help him more for his development.Allah, give me patience and never have give-ups in me.. I'll give up my own life for the success of all my children.

Aqil sits

Today, Aqil (not witnessed by anyone of us) SITS on HIS OWN!!!!
I am proud of you my little wonderful boy!!

We were back at home around 9pm. Dominos that we ordered came on time 930pm. We were all very hungry and we had dinner in the kitchen while Aqil was by himself at the living hall... The next thing we noticed when we took a peek at him, he was sitted up as his original position was on his tummy...

Today is a history for Aqil, to doing the sitting all by himself.

Thank you God for your blessings. Please make my children as perfect as they can be. Amin.

Kinder's excursion

(Adriana with Adleena's class behind her)

11 April 2008 - Saturday:
Adleena & her school had an outing to Tugu Negara, Deer Park and Lake Garden. I decided to bring Adriana to the places the sister was going. We left Aqil with Nya-i then we started our journey that morning. Adleena went on the bus the school had provided and I took Adriana in my car.

It was a fun day. I can see my girls were so happy to be out. Adriana behaved really well. I never regreted to have brought her there. Of course all the time she would ask for kakak.. where is kakak..

The very last venue for the excursion was the children's playground at the Lake Garden. It was getting really hot coz it was approaching mid day. But the kids were like running in heaven. Didnt care about the hot sun... they were having so much fun in the playground. Until 1230pm that those teachers started to gather all the children to prepare them to go on the bus. That was where my challenge arrived. I had parked my car at the Birds' Park which is about a kilometer away on a not level ground... that means we need to walk pass the garden which was hilly...
And Adriana was very tired, exhausted, thirsty and sleepy.. I had to carry on her all the way to the car. She also felt asleep on my shoulder. Goodness, where did I get that strength to carry my dearest 14kg Adriana... however I managed!
I never regreted it.. coz it was fun to see my girls had fun.

We then followed Adleena's bus to McD Jalan Pahang. Adriana was too exhausted that it was difficult to wake her up. Finally she did, without being cranky. We reached home at 2pm. Wonderful!

Aqil..my dearest & the 9th of 1st April

I've not been good in updating my own blog. I always have the intention to write at least a little a day.. always, time is always jealous of my attention.

Today, the 9th anniversary of having to wear a wedding ring given by my dearest, 'irreplaceable' Zaharin. Besides the happiness all throughout of having him by my side in all events... 360 degree situations.. we are blessed with three wonderful children that really bring infinite bundles of joy into our lives.

Also today, I made appointments with doctors for Aqil.. to get his ears and eyes checked.
Stepping into APSH this morning, I felt very very sad. Last few days, on 26 March we were shaken and shocked by the news that my children's paed, Dr Haliza was found dead over a hiking incident in Melawati after reported missing the day before by her husband. I am still very much affected by the news of her death. I felt so attached to her after she treated Adriana when Adriana repeatitively admit to the hospital for bronchiolitis and bronchitis. Then, came Aqil Mustaqim... for whom she had helped through the early days in detecting Aqil's intellectual disability diagnosed at birth. I felt connected to her, it is a total lost for me.

Anyway, today... 1st April 2009, Dr. Rozita diagnosed that Aqil's eye sight was just superb. Alhamdulillah... syukur ke hadrat Allah, wahai anak ku... tiada lain yang ibu pinta selain kesempurnaan semua deriamu sayangku.

Next, Dr. Aminudin... wonderful doctor at first visit. He looks very passionate with children and about the medical concerns that I myself know little about. Despite the crowd waiting for his attention was building outside his office - yet he spent time explaining about ENT and Down Syndrome. He needed further test on Aqil's ears. Aqil shall need to wait till he past the age of one for further test to be done. I need to make lots of research on this, to make sure what we are doing for Aqil is right and the moment is just fine. I need to do homework in talking to other parents who had experienced such situation in their wonderful children.

I have a lot more to write.... I hope I would be able to find the time to do so later..

Aqil.. we will do our best.. to our upmost ability for you my dearest.

Abang... happy anniversary darling... Sayang would not replace you with any other.. you are my ultimate till the world comes apart.

Happiness are all around...only we refuse to see..?

Hey hey hey... It is very rare that I feel down.. it is very rare that I would be out of mood, gloomy etc etc.. However, I was down last thursday and it carried on till saturday... I guess I had this heavily issue in my head that made me not myself..

Today, I realise... happiness are all around me and it has always been around me, just that my judgment can make the molecules of happiness invisible to my vision.

To be loved is to give love
to be happy is to offer happiness
life is the most wonderful gift
a gift of a Creator of the Al-Mighty
I'm blessed.. I'm fortunate
for as small as I am
..love and happiness overwhelm me..

The School starts!!

It's another beginning of year. The second year my Hunny~Bunny is in school.

What a mommy I am..??
I did not take any work leave for the first day of school as I am very confident that Adleena would be able to manage herself as she is only going up to Pre-School class from the Kinder class last year. I am of total confidence that she is independent and would be ok. So, the beloved Atuk (my Abah) sent her to school. That morning, according to her Nenek (my Mak), Adleena seemed to be nervous before leaving for school. She said she wanted to 'shissy', but nothing came out. Then she said she wanted to pass-motion, again not so 'productive'. "It was so obvious that she was nervous and got butterfly in her tummy before going to school" said the Nenek. [... and yet I was so confident of her].

Later, after school - she called me sounding very excited after meeting teachers and friends. But one final statement that banged in my head..."bila ibu nak datang sekolah Nina"... I thought to myself, obviously she saw parents sending her friends but for her case only her Atuk.. no Babah and no Ibu... Gosh! I felt very bad. Then, I said, see on the second day whether she would be ok. HHmmm another day, she came back home with the same question. I straightaway decided to just go to her school on the Wednesday morning. I can see the satisfaction in her eyes.. she was relieved that both her parents went to see her classroom, meet her teacher and see where she sits.
I told myself, it's the learning here, just dont assume too much.. A child is still a child. Attention is needed at all angle.. at all times. Children nowadays are very smart.. just dont pull that down, for you to regret sometime later.

Aqil... today is gonna be my Lil' Sunshine's first day at school. I have to take half day morning off for sending Aqil to SC's nursery. He would be there for a while before going for his class. We are afraid if he would cry as he has started to recognize people.
Well, I am very proud of Aqil. He is able to managed our expectations... he showed signs that he was about to cry when I was with him for a while with the nannies in the nursery. Luckily, only signs... he seemed to be ok when I left him a few minutes later. Anyway, he was distracted by so many movements and other babies and toddlers in there... he was occupied, in a sense.
God, give me the strength to persevere all these moments... with all these efforts that I am putting in. Please make Aqil the best of him.. Sempurnakan Aqil sesempurnanya Ya Allah.. dari segi tumbesarannya, perlakuannya dan semua derianya serta akalnya.

Next year is the challenge... two of my girls will be schooling!!! Can wait for that challenge...