To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did...
When the universe takes something from your grasp, it's not punishing you.. but merely opening your hands to receive something better...
There comes a point in your life when you realize...
Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore
and who always will...
So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future...
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Eye opener '?'.. Big wide open....
After two weeks of the previous incident, I tried calling my sis... finally she picked up the phone. I did not have anything to tell or what, my intention was to see whether she is still not picking up my calls...
She answered.. quite OK to me.. I was happy and I was relieved! Just that I am very sad, she never even have the heart to apologise over her kurang ajar act. Well, I swallowed it all in.. to me for sisters' sake.. I'll take it, as long as she is ok now..
BUT I was saddened and taken aback again today. As after so long, today is the first time I met her at parents' home, in picking up our kids there..
She is good at pretending... she is very good at acting she is ok by tackling my girls in front of mak..
I tried making conversation.. but to my surprise.. my first question was answered with a rude tone of voice.. Followed by my second question, was also answered with another rude tone of voice. I wanted to curse her inside me.. but I still remember God is the Greatest... let Him do all the teaching in this wide stage call the world. I am very sad with my sister... very very sad.. Past few days, I felt that my parents were blaming me for the problem that I faced.. for the way I manage it.
Well, to me... I will try to manage my problems myself and not to involve them as much as I could.
I hope one day she would experience something similar of what she did to me..
God, give me the strength and give me all the patience to face all these -Amin-
She answered.. quite OK to me.. I was happy and I was relieved! Just that I am very sad, she never even have the heart to apologise over her kurang ajar act. Well, I swallowed it all in.. to me for sisters' sake.. I'll take it, as long as she is ok now..
BUT I was saddened and taken aback again today. As after so long, today is the first time I met her at parents' home, in picking up our kids there..
She is good at pretending... she is very good at acting she is ok by tackling my girls in front of mak..
I tried making conversation.. but to my surprise.. my first question was answered with a rude tone of voice.. Followed by my second question, was also answered with another rude tone of voice. I wanted to curse her inside me.. but I still remember God is the Greatest... let Him do all the teaching in this wide stage call the world. I am very sad with my sister... very very sad.. Past few days, I felt that my parents were blaming me for the problem that I faced.. for the way I manage it.
Well, to me... I will try to manage my problems myself and not to involve them as much as I could.
I hope one day she would experience something similar of what she did to me..
God, give me the strength and give me all the patience to face all these -Amin-
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Life's full of tests...
I am very disturbed...
I am very angry...
I am very blurr...
I am very confused...
I am everything that could describe confuse and don't know who to turn to, only Allah s.w.t. the Al-Mighty.
Dear God, give me the patience, firm on my iman, provide me with balanced rationale in my thinking and feelings.
It all started with a shocking news from Aqil's new teachers at his transition class on 19 January 2010, which was the last of the transition class that Aqil sat in. At the end of the class, the teachers called four mothers out of eight babies that were in the transition. The news shocked us all.. that our Down Syndrome babies are being transfered to a higher class --> The Toddlers Class. In our shocks, I know all the mothers there were thankful of our children's progress. At the same time, we the working mothers just shocked with the news... thinking how are we going to sacrifice just to send our special needs babies to those classes which will be conducted three times a week for 2.5 hours. I felt like crying that moment.. of joy and at the same time so helpless on how can I arrange for Aqil to attend those classes.
After much thought with my beloved husband, after going through all pros and cons of all plans that we had laid out. We thought of asking the opinion of the babysitter, Mama Fadillah. If she offers us her help, we'll be more that welcome and we'll provide all the assistance that she will need if she is willing to help us.
That night, as we planned to go meet Mama F and her husband, to ask for their opinion in our recent deep dilemma - my girls wanted to just stay a while at my sis's home. I called my sis and explained a little... That was the time all the bombs were put in place. The explosions of the landmines started from there. I was made to understand that she misunderstood my intention to go to Mama F's house that night. All because she had the notion that Mama F is gonna take care of her future baby, scheduled to be born in June 2010... so with Aqil's new and shocking routine would definitely make her lose Mama F to her baby. I was shocked by the news, another shock! Coz I was not informed about the baby is going to be cared by Mama F. Neither my sisters nor my mother had said anything about it to me. I was stunt! Then,I thought... for all the reason of love to the family, whatever decision that Mama F going to tell us, I accept with open heart.
The meeting that night, was more than a relief for us. The family was offering their help in managing Aqil. I felt like crying... for someone without blood relation willing to sacrifice herself for my son. I wished to cry of happiness, joy, thankfulness and God Bless all these people who have such kind hearts.
But, my relief was only a while ... as the next morning, Mom threw some 'spearing' words to me as I was sending my girls before leaving for work. I was shocked, coz I did not involve any of them yet. I was only taking my first step in managing issue on Aqil's schooling. I plan to tell them slowly... but I was rather attacked when I am not ready. I dunno what my sis had told them.. they were so against what had been achieved the night before. I was truly disturbed.. my mind was hay-wire.. that reaching Titiwangsa, I made a u-turn returning home.. not mentally and emotionally equipped to go to work.
Later in the night of Saturday, my dad played his role... but their suggestion for a solution to the issue I was facing... was not a solution for me.
I tried calling my sis, wanna discuss what had went wrong...?? What was going on that everyone seemed to be attacking me...?? but she didnt pick up my calls.
After long discussion with my beloved husband, we thought it was best to straighten things with my sis.. BUT SHE with all the DISRESPECT towards me.. didn't answer my call. I had to put on my thick face and leave the ego.. leave the role of respect that I should hold being the eldest... I went to her home. To my shock, she didnt even get out from her room and her husband at first refused to let me in as they were preparing to go out already. I am shocked by the treatment. I remembered them saying all sorts of things to other relatives for doing so.. and God is Great, they are doing it themselves.
My other sis tried to explain that this pregnant sister is emotional and it could get worst if she sees me then.
I tried to understand her situation, but to me... if really there is religion within her.. if really there is iman in her.. she shouldn't be acting that way.. but i let her be.
Today, past one week, she is still not answering my calls. It is so difficult to arrange bout her son, who is also babysat by Mama F that he has to stay in our parents' home when Mama F sends Aqil to school. She is making it very difficult for me. I really wish she could think, if it was not I who begged Mama F to accept her son... I dunno where her son would be now... Well,I hope, one day, she will face the same challenge if not more challenging than what she is doing to me. I am very sad to have such a sister.
A friend was saying, "Jun, actually in this wide world... we are alone... and family members are our worst nightmare when we have problems. We thought we could turn to them for support... but the actual fact, they are the one who will put you further down... Jun... treat this as an eye openner to the real world.. to the real situation, what sorta family members you have..be strong!"
I kinda agree with her statement.. my dearest friend.
God, provide me courage, provide me patience, provide me iman... to face all your tests... I need the strength from you. Amin.
I am very angry...
I am very blurr...
I am very confused...
I am everything that could describe confuse and don't know who to turn to, only Allah s.w.t. the Al-Mighty.
Dear God, give me the patience, firm on my iman, provide me with balanced rationale in my thinking and feelings.
It all started with a shocking news from Aqil's new teachers at his transition class on 19 January 2010, which was the last of the transition class that Aqil sat in. At the end of the class, the teachers called four mothers out of eight babies that were in the transition. The news shocked us all.. that our Down Syndrome babies are being transfered to a higher class --> The Toddlers Class. In our shocks, I know all the mothers there were thankful of our children's progress. At the same time, we the working mothers just shocked with the news... thinking how are we going to sacrifice just to send our special needs babies to those classes which will be conducted three times a week for 2.5 hours. I felt like crying that moment.. of joy and at the same time so helpless on how can I arrange for Aqil to attend those classes.
After much thought with my beloved husband, after going through all pros and cons of all plans that we had laid out. We thought of asking the opinion of the babysitter, Mama Fadillah. If she offers us her help, we'll be more that welcome and we'll provide all the assistance that she will need if she is willing to help us.
That night, as we planned to go meet Mama F and her husband, to ask for their opinion in our recent deep dilemma - my girls wanted to just stay a while at my sis's home. I called my sis and explained a little... That was the time all the bombs were put in place. The explosions of the landmines started from there. I was made to understand that she misunderstood my intention to go to Mama F's house that night. All because she had the notion that Mama F is gonna take care of her future baby, scheduled to be born in June 2010... so with Aqil's new and shocking routine would definitely make her lose Mama F to her baby. I was shocked by the news, another shock! Coz I was not informed about the baby is going to be cared by Mama F. Neither my sisters nor my mother had said anything about it to me. I was stunt! Then,I thought... for all the reason of love to the family, whatever decision that Mama F going to tell us, I accept with open heart.
The meeting that night, was more than a relief for us. The family was offering their help in managing Aqil. I felt like crying... for someone without blood relation willing to sacrifice herself for my son. I wished to cry of happiness, joy, thankfulness and God Bless all these people who have such kind hearts.
But, my relief was only a while ... as the next morning, Mom threw some 'spearing' words to me as I was sending my girls before leaving for work. I was shocked, coz I did not involve any of them yet. I was only taking my first step in managing issue on Aqil's schooling. I plan to tell them slowly... but I was rather attacked when I am not ready. I dunno what my sis had told them.. they were so against what had been achieved the night before. I was truly disturbed.. my mind was hay-wire.. that reaching Titiwangsa, I made a u-turn returning home.. not mentally and emotionally equipped to go to work.
Later in the night of Saturday, my dad played his role... but their suggestion for a solution to the issue I was facing... was not a solution for me.
I tried calling my sis, wanna discuss what had went wrong...?? What was going on that everyone seemed to be attacking me...?? but she didnt pick up my calls.
After long discussion with my beloved husband, we thought it was best to straighten things with my sis.. BUT SHE with all the DISRESPECT towards me.. didn't answer my call. I had to put on my thick face and leave the ego.. leave the role of respect that I should hold being the eldest... I went to her home. To my shock, she didnt even get out from her room and her husband at first refused to let me in as they were preparing to go out already. I am shocked by the treatment. I remembered them saying all sorts of things to other relatives for doing so.. and God is Great, they are doing it themselves.
My other sis tried to explain that this pregnant sister is emotional and it could get worst if she sees me then.
I tried to understand her situation, but to me... if really there is religion within her.. if really there is iman in her.. she shouldn't be acting that way.. but i let her be.
Today, past one week, she is still not answering my calls. It is so difficult to arrange bout her son, who is also babysat by Mama F that he has to stay in our parents' home when Mama F sends Aqil to school. She is making it very difficult for me. I really wish she could think, if it was not I who begged Mama F to accept her son... I dunno where her son would be now... Well,I hope, one day, she will face the same challenge if not more challenging than what she is doing to me. I am very sad to have such a sister.
A friend was saying, "Jun, actually in this wide world... we are alone... and family members are our worst nightmare when we have problems. We thought we could turn to them for support... but the actual fact, they are the one who will put you further down... Jun... treat this as an eye openner to the real world.. to the real situation, what sorta family members you have..be strong!"
I kinda agree with her statement.. my dearest friend.
God, provide me courage, provide me patience, provide me iman... to face all your tests... I need the strength from you. Amin.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
New events.. do come by surprise...
My school-going girls are doing very good and very discipline in going to school. Alhamdulillah, Adriana is very eager to go to school everyday and always impatient to wait for 230 for her mengaji.
Adleena is very independent and she is showing her maturity in all the she does nowadays. Dear Allah, have mercy on us all, grant passion and patience to my children in their learnings and in their lives.
Aqil, yesterday (tuesday 19 Jan) the transition class teacher gave a shock to me and another three mothers. Among all the 8 babies in her transition class, four are chosen to attend toddler's class, and Aqil is one of them.
Aqil is the youngest of them all. I am very thankful dear God, for giving Aqil to be among them, who are much older than he is... and he is developing with them.
Just that, it made me and babah speechless.. made us be in silence.. for Aqil's classes now would be three times a week for 2.5 hours. How can we arrange for Aqil to attend to his classes? We cant afford if one of us to leave our job now.. We cant afford to take Aqil out of the school as he needs it more that we all do. Oh God, grant us the light, show us the route for some solution,.. for the children, for Aqil, we would go to world ends to give all that is necessary to prepare them for the future... for the times that we are no longer in existence..
We are very happy for Aqil in his developments and the transitions that he had gone through. I was with him from the very first day he attends Kiwanis, till today. To not being able to accompany him to his classes anymore, weeps my heart. But I have to sacrifice that for him to learn to be independent coz I wont be there for him forever. God, give us some light to get this responsibility going..
Adleena is very independent and she is showing her maturity in all the she does nowadays. Dear Allah, have mercy on us all, grant passion and patience to my children in their learnings and in their lives.
Aqil, yesterday (tuesday 19 Jan) the transition class teacher gave a shock to me and another three mothers. Among all the 8 babies in her transition class, four are chosen to attend toddler's class, and Aqil is one of them.
Aqil is the youngest of them all. I am very thankful dear God, for giving Aqil to be among them, who are much older than he is... and he is developing with them.
Just that, it made me and babah speechless.. made us be in silence.. for Aqil's classes now would be three times a week for 2.5 hours. How can we arrange for Aqil to attend to his classes? We cant afford if one of us to leave our job now.. We cant afford to take Aqil out of the school as he needs it more that we all do. Oh God, grant us the light, show us the route for some solution,.. for the children, for Aqil, we would go to world ends to give all that is necessary to prepare them for the future... for the times that we are no longer in existence..
We are very happy for Aqil in his developments and the transitions that he had gone through. I was with him from the very first day he attends Kiwanis, till today. To not being able to accompany him to his classes anymore, weeps my heart. But I have to sacrifice that for him to learn to be independent coz I wont be there for him forever. God, give us some light to get this responsibility going..
Monday, January 4, 2010
First Day of School..2010
Worry..jitters at the heart..a little scared.. lotsa hope and doa..
Well.. those are some of the feelings that I felt starting last night. As today, Monday 4 Jan 2010 will be a start for a new school beginning for me.. Haha.. for my girls actually. Adleena is Standard One and Adriana enter kindergarten at age 5. More for Adriana.. I've been praying for her to be ok on the first day of school.. pray that she would find someone whom she likes that would be a motivator for her to go to school.. Oh my! oh my!.. I am very worried of Adriana.. She used to go to her Casa (4 yr old class).. as in once in a week.. then another day in another week.. then didnt want to go at all... She is also a girl with her own mind. She does things the way she wants it to be. Oh God, please help her understand when the teacher explains on how she could handle certain things.
Today!! She was superb. She didnt cry, neither that she refused to go to school. She just played a little drama this morning she I woke her up.. saying her eye lids can't open. Sometimes I am outta ideas on how to tackle her mind so that she would not create more stories and more reasons and more questions to my phrases to her.
Well, she really managed herself very well today. Oh God, I hope this will last and she has the wants and the excitements to go to school on the days to come.
Adleena, is all so matured. She loves to go to school. She had fun during the orientation on 2 Jan 2010. She couldn't wait up for Monday to start a new chapter in her schooling era. She put on her own clothings, she prepared her bag and she prepared her own meal (air rut-bir dengan cheese sandwich). Alhamdulillah, thank you God for honouring me with such independent, obedient and clever child like Adleena. I hope the sister would somehow follow some of her traits.
Tomorrow will be a new chapter in Aqil's school too. He would be among his new friends in the Transition Class.
This week, Aqil started his few steps unassisted. He managed 10 steps according to Adleena. He is so pampered when he is with me. I hope to see he firms up his steps.. and niat di hati.. 'Aqil dapat jalan, ibu sedekah pisang kat masjid sayang'
Oh God, make Aqil walks a perfect as he could.. amongst his specialty.
My children, this year is a start of a new routine to us all... Hope ibu and babah are prepared to the coming days and may Allah gives us all patience and perseverence in all that we do.Amin.
Well.. those are some of the feelings that I felt starting last night. As today, Monday 4 Jan 2010 will be a start for a new school beginning for me.. Haha.. for my girls actually. Adleena is Standard One and Adriana enter kindergarten at age 5. More for Adriana.. I've been praying for her to be ok on the first day of school.. pray that she would find someone whom she likes that would be a motivator for her to go to school.. Oh my! oh my!.. I am very worried of Adriana.. She used to go to her Casa (4 yr old class).. as in once in a week.. then another day in another week.. then didnt want to go at all... She is also a girl with her own mind. She does things the way she wants it to be. Oh God, please help her understand when the teacher explains on how she could handle certain things.
Today!! She was superb. She didnt cry, neither that she refused to go to school. She just played a little drama this morning she I woke her up.. saying her eye lids can't open. Sometimes I am outta ideas on how to tackle her mind so that she would not create more stories and more reasons and more questions to my phrases to her.
Well, she really managed herself very well today. Oh God, I hope this will last and she has the wants and the excitements to go to school on the days to come.
Adleena, is all so matured. She loves to go to school. She had fun during the orientation on 2 Jan 2010. She couldn't wait up for Monday to start a new chapter in her schooling era. She put on her own clothings, she prepared her bag and she prepared her own meal (air rut-bir dengan cheese sandwich). Alhamdulillah, thank you God for honouring me with such independent, obedient and clever child like Adleena. I hope the sister would somehow follow some of her traits.
Tomorrow will be a new chapter in Aqil's school too. He would be among his new friends in the Transition Class.
This week, Aqil started his few steps unassisted. He managed 10 steps according to Adleena. He is so pampered when he is with me. I hope to see he firms up his steps.. and niat di hati.. 'Aqil dapat jalan, ibu sedekah pisang kat masjid sayang'
Oh God, make Aqil walks a perfect as he could.. amongst his specialty.
My children, this year is a start of a new routine to us all... Hope ibu and babah are prepared to the coming days and may Allah gives us all patience and perseverence in all that we do.Amin.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Aqil's school holiday class
"...pls dont force me! I don't like the sand!! and i'm wearing my sister's suit..ibu put me in this one.. isk isk isk.."
"... I still dislike the sand!! I wanna go to the swimming pool!!!"
".....yeeeezzzaaa bubbles..."
"i'm on a mat?! in a pool?! I can balance out teacher!"
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