The only thing constant is Change...

Alhamdulillah... alhamdulillah... alhamdulillah.. God the Most Merciful.
Tuesday 26 May marked the day of something that I had hoped for for a long long time came on .. wonderfully soothing for my hearing. As I was cleaning up in Mak's kitchen, I overheard Mak, Abah and my beloved - their conversations...

After 9 years of marrying the person that I have chosen to be my life partner... all those thrills, feelings of fear, distress and those tears that had been pouring until there were none.. God the Most Merciful, had shown the light to changes in 2003... Ultimately, this day that it answered my never-ending prayer to obtain 'full acceptance' to everyone else... It is hard to pour out historical story... let it resides within my personal book of memory.. as I will always pray for the great being of everybody.

It has been a year past...

20th May... A year ago, by the works of God, a wonderful of His artwork emerged into the light of the earth. Aqil Mustaqim was born giving me full excitement of receiving him as the first boy of my own. The little SunShine of my life.

A week before his 1st birthday, Aqil started to creep for the first time. I saw he made three small steps before he got into sitting position again. He was exploring. He is still exploring how to creep properly and the speed had increased this far. Though he is quite behind in his development, he did make it anyhow. I'm proud of his development this far.

My only worry now is that Aqil is not talking as much.. of rather babbling that much. He has been a very quiet baby. Be babbled whenever he feels like it, but it is very rare..also I only meet him at night during week days..

I wish I could do more for Aqil. I wish to be by his side all the time. I wish that I could encourage him and help him more for his development.Allah, give me patience and never have give-ups in me.. I'll give up my own life for the success of all my children.

Aqil sits

Today, Aqil (not witnessed by anyone of us) SITS on HIS OWN!!!!
I am proud of you my little wonderful boy!!

We were back at home around 9pm. Dominos that we ordered came on time 930pm. We were all very hungry and we had dinner in the kitchen while Aqil was by himself at the living hall... The next thing we noticed when we took a peek at him, he was sitted up as his original position was on his tummy...

Today is a history for Aqil, to doing the sitting all by himself.

Thank you God for your blessings. Please make my children as perfect as they can be. Amin.

Kinder's excursion

(Adriana with Adleena's class behind her)

11 April 2008 - Saturday:
Adleena & her school had an outing to Tugu Negara, Deer Park and Lake Garden. I decided to bring Adriana to the places the sister was going. We left Aqil with Nya-i then we started our journey that morning. Adleena went on the bus the school had provided and I took Adriana in my car.

It was a fun day. I can see my girls were so happy to be out. Adriana behaved really well. I never regreted to have brought her there. Of course all the time she would ask for kakak.. where is kakak..

The very last venue for the excursion was the children's playground at the Lake Garden. It was getting really hot coz it was approaching mid day. But the kids were like running in heaven. Didnt care about the hot sun... they were having so much fun in the playground. Until 1230pm that those teachers started to gather all the children to prepare them to go on the bus. That was where my challenge arrived. I had parked my car at the Birds' Park which is about a kilometer away on a not level ground... that means we need to walk pass the garden which was hilly...
And Adriana was very tired, exhausted, thirsty and sleepy.. I had to carry on her all the way to the car. She also felt asleep on my shoulder. Goodness, where did I get that strength to carry my dearest 14kg Adriana... however I managed!
I never regreted it.. coz it was fun to see my girls had fun.

We then followed Adleena's bus to McD Jalan Pahang. Adriana was too exhausted that it was difficult to wake her up. Finally she did, without being cranky. We reached home at 2pm. Wonderful!

Aqil..my dearest & the 9th of 1st April

I've not been good in updating my own blog. I always have the intention to write at least a little a day.. always, time is always jealous of my attention.

Today, the 9th anniversary of having to wear a wedding ring given by my dearest, 'irreplaceable' Zaharin. Besides the happiness all throughout of having him by my side in all events... 360 degree situations.. we are blessed with three wonderful children that really bring infinite bundles of joy into our lives.

Also today, I made appointments with doctors for Aqil.. to get his ears and eyes checked.
Stepping into APSH this morning, I felt very very sad. Last few days, on 26 March we were shaken and shocked by the news that my children's paed, Dr Haliza was found dead over a hiking incident in Melawati after reported missing the day before by her husband. I am still very much affected by the news of her death. I felt so attached to her after she treated Adriana when Adriana repeatitively admit to the hospital for bronchiolitis and bronchitis. Then, came Aqil Mustaqim... for whom she had helped through the early days in detecting Aqil's intellectual disability diagnosed at birth. I felt connected to her, it is a total lost for me.

Anyway, today... 1st April 2009, Dr. Rozita diagnosed that Aqil's eye sight was just superb. Alhamdulillah... syukur ke hadrat Allah, wahai anak ku... tiada lain yang ibu pinta selain kesempurnaan semua deriamu sayangku.

Next, Dr. Aminudin... wonderful doctor at first visit. He looks very passionate with children and about the medical concerns that I myself know little about. Despite the crowd waiting for his attention was building outside his office - yet he spent time explaining about ENT and Down Syndrome. He needed further test on Aqil's ears. Aqil shall need to wait till he past the age of one for further test to be done. I need to make lots of research on this, to make sure what we are doing for Aqil is right and the moment is just fine. I need to do homework in talking to other parents who had experienced such situation in their wonderful children.

I have a lot more to write.... I hope I would be able to find the time to do so later..

Aqil.. we will do our best.. to our upmost ability for you my dearest.

Abang... happy anniversary darling... Sayang would not replace you with any other.. you are my ultimate till the world comes apart.

Happiness are all around...only we refuse to see..?

Hey hey hey... It is very rare that I feel down.. it is very rare that I would be out of mood, gloomy etc etc.. However, I was down last thursday and it carried on till saturday... I guess I had this heavily issue in my head that made me not myself..

Today, I realise... happiness are all around me and it has always been around me, just that my judgment can make the molecules of happiness invisible to my vision.

To be loved is to give love
to be happy is to offer happiness
life is the most wonderful gift
a gift of a Creator of the Al-Mighty
I'm blessed.. I'm fortunate
for as small as I am
..love and happiness overwhelm me..

The School starts!!

It's another beginning of year. The second year my Hunny~Bunny is in school.

What a mommy I am..??
I did not take any work leave for the first day of school as I am very confident that Adleena would be able to manage herself as she is only going up to Pre-School class from the Kinder class last year. I am of total confidence that she is independent and would be ok. So, the beloved Atuk (my Abah) sent her to school. That morning, according to her Nenek (my Mak), Adleena seemed to be nervous before leaving for school. She said she wanted to 'shissy', but nothing came out. Then she said she wanted to pass-motion, again not so 'productive'. "It was so obvious that she was nervous and got butterfly in her tummy before going to school" said the Nenek. [... and yet I was so confident of her].

Later, after school - she called me sounding very excited after meeting teachers and friends. But one final statement that banged in my head..."bila ibu nak datang sekolah Nina"... I thought to myself, obviously she saw parents sending her friends but for her case only her Atuk.. no Babah and no Ibu... Gosh! I felt very bad. Then, I said, see on the second day whether she would be ok. HHmmm another day, she came back home with the same question. I straightaway decided to just go to her school on the Wednesday morning. I can see the satisfaction in her eyes.. she was relieved that both her parents went to see her classroom, meet her teacher and see where she sits.
I told myself, it's the learning here, just dont assume too much.. A child is still a child. Attention is needed at all angle.. at all times. Children nowadays are very smart.. just dont pull that down, for you to regret sometime later.

Aqil... today is gonna be my Lil' Sunshine's first day at school. I have to take half day morning off for sending Aqil to SC's nursery. He would be there for a while before going for his class. We are afraid if he would cry as he has started to recognize people.
Well, I am very proud of Aqil. He is able to managed our expectations... he showed signs that he was about to cry when I was with him for a while with the nannies in the nursery. Luckily, only signs... he seemed to be ok when I left him a few minutes later. Anyway, he was distracted by so many movements and other babies and toddlers in there... he was occupied, in a sense.
God, give me the strength to persevere all these moments... with all these efforts that I am putting in. Please make Aqil the best of him.. Sempurnakan Aqil sesempurnanya Ya Allah.. dari segi tumbesarannya, perlakuannya dan semua derianya serta akalnya.

Next year is the challenge... two of my girls will be schooling!!! Can wait for that challenge...